If it wasn't so effective it would be hilarious. I think her audience are clearly not "the girls" but "concerned parents" - or she's delusional about how being trans works...
I mean, I can't speak for trans men, but if someone has asked me "won't you miss playing soccer, being rowdy with the boys and drinking beer while objectifying women" (as a mirror example of her overly stereotypical sleepovers and girls nights out) - I would have said "hell no, get me out of here!"
I mean it was fun at times (minus the soccer and the misogyny) - but I never felt at ease. I'd rather do this now as a "rowdy woman" where men won't try to make me more manly or engage in weird (to me) bonding rituals. I don't speak the language, never have.
Even bonding with men is easier now - as they understand me to be a woman. It's a different kind of connection that doesn't necessarily have to be more shallow.
I imagine trans men to feel similar - sleepovers might be fun, but wouldn't they rather go out with the guys? And if being the guy in a girls group - isn't it easier when being recognised as one? Especially when deemed safe?
Wouldn't it be exhausting for them to play along with what Schultz is romanticising here? Like ... who is she trying to convince?
Damn, this one feels so very personal. I've been attacked and questioned so many times by "feminists" who think I've abandoned something valuable or turned my back on "sisterhood." But I was always excluded. I never fit in any of those social circles, and I am so much better now as the man I was always meant to be. If anything it's made me more of a feminist.
I genuinely wish more folx would ask what our experiences are as transmasculine people. Our stories are so rich and beautiful.
It's always nice to hear "from the other side". As a trans woman I never really felt like belonging with the guys. I was playing my part in order to have any friends at all. It was trans men who opened my eyes to who I am. Schultz is very good at playing into the emotions of women (and that's probably her audience - concerned mothers etc.) - I had those feelings when stumbling upon trans men at first: "how can you give up on that beautiful femininity?" But then I also did see them light up as men, enjoy the positive sides of being a man, showing me it's not all grim and toxic.
And I realised: my feelings were all about myself. *I* would have never given away that femininity, *I* did see being a man as something bad - because I was forced into it.
Thankfully it took me only a week or so to get to that point - still a bit ashamed, though for my initial thoughts.
It was a lesson in how our journeys are a target for projection of other people's own complicated feelings around gender.
Thank you for sharing this, I think you hit the nail on the head re: making it about your feelings. This, I think,holds true for so many. What I really appreciate is you sharing your own introspection and growth. That is a courageous act, and one I hope inspires others to look inside and challenge their own perspectives, and to ask "where is this really coming from?"
We all start somewhere, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Recognizing it and not growing past it, however, just might be. You did, and that is something to draw strength from, not shame.Thatt is awesome, and that means you are awesome and should feel awesome!
I agree, I learned a lot about transmasculine experiences and narratives, and I have a few books to read now because of it. If you have any recommendations, please send them to me!
For all that I absorbed, I know it is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. I think many take it for granted that it must be the same as it is for trans women "but the other way around" without actually plumbing the depths of what those experiences actually are. I think it does a great disservice, and I want to learn more.
![People with Inconvenient Truths about Transphobes [PITT]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_80,h_80,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F704ba0db-3e10-4112-9364-c2f224d0cfae_500x500.png)
![People with Inconvenient Truths about Transphobes [PITT]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_36,h_36,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F704ba0db-3e10-4112-9364-c2f224d0cfae_500x500.png)
If it wasn't so effective it would be hilarious. I think her audience are clearly not "the girls" but "concerned parents" - or she's delusional about how being trans works...
I mean, I can't speak for trans men, but if someone has asked me "won't you miss playing soccer, being rowdy with the boys and drinking beer while objectifying women" (as a mirror example of her overly stereotypical sleepovers and girls nights out) - I would have said "hell no, get me out of here!"
I mean it was fun at times (minus the soccer and the misogyny) - but I never felt at ease. I'd rather do this now as a "rowdy woman" where men won't try to make me more manly or engage in weird (to me) bonding rituals. I don't speak the language, never have.
Even bonding with men is easier now - as they understand me to be a woman. It's a different kind of connection that doesn't necessarily have to be more shallow.
I imagine trans men to feel similar - sleepovers might be fun, but wouldn't they rather go out with the guys? And if being the guy in a girls group - isn't it easier when being recognised as one? Especially when deemed safe?
Wouldn't it be exhausting for them to play along with what Schultz is romanticising here? Like ... who is she trying to convince?
Damn, this one feels so very personal. I've been attacked and questioned so many times by "feminists" who think I've abandoned something valuable or turned my back on "sisterhood." But I was always excluded. I never fit in any of those social circles, and I am so much better now as the man I was always meant to be. If anything it's made me more of a feminist.
I genuinely wish more folx would ask what our experiences are as transmasculine people. Our stories are so rich and beautiful.
It's always nice to hear "from the other side". As a trans woman I never really felt like belonging with the guys. I was playing my part in order to have any friends at all. It was trans men who opened my eyes to who I am. Schultz is very good at playing into the emotions of women (and that's probably her audience - concerned mothers etc.) - I had those feelings when stumbling upon trans men at first: "how can you give up on that beautiful femininity?" But then I also did see them light up as men, enjoy the positive sides of being a man, showing me it's not all grim and toxic.
And I realised: my feelings were all about myself. *I* would have never given away that femininity, *I* did see being a man as something bad - because I was forced into it.
Thankfully it took me only a week or so to get to that point - still a bit ashamed, though for my initial thoughts.
It was a lesson in how our journeys are a target for projection of other people's own complicated feelings around gender.
Thank you for sharing this, I think you hit the nail on the head re: making it about your feelings. This, I think,holds true for so many. What I really appreciate is you sharing your own introspection and growth. That is a courageous act, and one I hope inspires others to look inside and challenge their own perspectives, and to ask "where is this really coming from?"
We all start somewhere, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Recognizing it and not growing past it, however, just might be. You did, and that is something to draw strength from, not shame.Thatt is awesome, and that means you are awesome and should feel awesome!
Thank you for your comment, Robin!
I agree, I learned a lot about transmasculine experiences and narratives, and I have a few books to read now because of it. If you have any recommendations, please send them to me!
For all that I absorbed, I know it is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. I think many take it for granted that it must be the same as it is for trans women "but the other way around" without actually plumbing the depths of what those experiences actually are. I think it does a great disservice, and I want to learn more.
Sipping on my coffee and reading your work has become part of my morning routine. Thank you.
My pleasure, and thanks for this :)
I am so glad you have figured things out now, and are here to comment - thank you for sharing this :)