Happy Holiday Heartache Histrionics

and Festive Family Failures

This original letter¹ is short and does a terrible job to make its point. Like a blunt object, it surrendered authenticity and honesty, legitimacy and poignancy, for the sake of ensuring even their lowest common denominator could not miss the impact it was intending to make. So, I couldn’t help it, I wrote two responses. Each one different, but making the same points. Satirical and direct honesty. They are both blunt methods, but even they can be wielded with finesse, originality, and charm. Well, at least I am sure somebody can :)

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Dearest Holiday Letter Writer,

Thank you for sharing your holiday letter. I couldn't help but notice how you struggled with pronouns and names throughout - starting and stopping, like a car engine failing to turn over in winter. Let me help you with a small edit:

Virginia and Robert are... Virginia and Robert are... Virginia and her brother Robert live in different cities - he with his wife Evangeline in Salt Lake City, she in Savannah. Virginia graduated this month (probably - you'd know for certain if you maintained contact). You see, when parents struggle with acceptance, children sometimes struggle with staying in touch.

It's interesting how your letter reveals more in its ellipses than its words. Those dots speak volumes about the relationship you've chosen to have with your daughter. You mention that you're "fine" - but are you? Because this letter reads less like a holiday greeting and more like a cry for help.

You know what would make a lovely Christmas gift? Acceptance. It's free, requires no shipping, and never goes out of style. Virginia isn't "struggling with depression" because of who she is - research shows that family acceptance is one of the strongest predictors of mental health outcomes for trans individuals.

Perhaps next year's letter could read differently. It could be filled with joy about having two wonderful children - a son and a daughter - both living their authentic lives. Wouldn't that be something worth writing about?

With hope for better holidays ahead,

People with Inconvenient Truths about Transphobes [PITT]

P.S. Virginia's pronouns are she/her. I thought you might want to make a note of that for next year's letter.

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Dearest Holiday Letter Writer,

Let me translate your ellipses-riddled masterpiece of passive-aggressive seasonal greetings:

"Dear Everyone I'm Desperately Trying to Impress While Publicly Grieving a Child Who Isn't Dead,

I've been hiding for two years because I can't handle my daughter's existence disrupting my carefully curated Christmas card narrative. I love looking at your 'normal' family photos though - they feed my denial beautifully!

Let me demonstrate my commitment to emotional self-sabotage by stumbling through this paragraph like a drunk reindeer: Robert (my GOOD child) lives in Salt Lake City with his wife (see how NORMAL that is?). As for my other child - dramatic pause - theatrical sigh - dabs eyes with tinsel - well, I'll deadname them repeatedly while pretending I don't know basic facts about their life because that's easier than admitting I'm choosing ignorance over love.

I'll throw in some vague references to depression because it's easier to blame mental health than acknowledge that my rejection might be the problem. But don't worry about me - I'm 'fine' (narrator: she was not fine).

Sending thoughts and prayers (but not acceptance),

A Parent Who Chose Pride Over Love"

Hope This Helps,

PITT

1. https://www.pittparents.com/p/holiday-letter